Mother of a Preemie

How are you doing?

This is a question I've gotten a lot lately. More often then not I smile and say I'm fine because who really wants to hear it all? I hate crying in front of people so instead I just laugh about not getting as much sleep and what not. I save the tears for my husband and occasionally my mom.

The truth- i feel like I'm on some crazy roller coaster that I never agreed to get on in the first place. Some days are so perfect and others are a mess. I've come along way since the beginning and know one day it will all just be a memory that me and Jacob will say remember when.

Remember when we couldn't even hold our daughter

Remember when she needed help to breath

Remember commuting back and forth from the hospital

Remember the joy of getting to hold her

Remember celebrating each wire coming off her

Remember feeling robbed and helpless

Remember the amazing nurses helping us care for her

Remember having to hold her still while we place her feeding tube

Remember her throwing up all the time because of her iron supplements and tube

Remember cuddling in bed together as a family

I've never felt so many emotions then in the past 3 months. I'm sorry to those people who came to visit at the beginning if I zoned out, i would start a conversation with someone only to find myself not listening and wondering how Matea was doing. I was in my own little world. Some days I'd find myself asking why all this had happened. What had I done wrong during my pregnancy. Did I not eat healthy, should I have exercised more, should I have said my prayers more regularly? Other days I would be so grateful and feel so blessed, she was alive and getting better each day. Compared to some preemies she is doing amazing.

I love Matea so much. I had no idea the love a mother has for her children was this strong. It makes me regret ever yelling at my own mother when I was young. My mom is an amazing woman who helped me so much during all of this. She drove me to the hospital, cooked me dinner, even attempted to vacuum our apartment (sorry the vacuum exploded on you mom).

Even though I sometimes feel robbed of the whole delivery thing I'm grateful for modern medicine and being able to have her here. Sorry if this doesn't make sense and is all over the place, that's my life lately. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I am doing good.

She's Home!!!

After 60 days in the Nicu, Matea came home January 3rd and we couldn't have been more excited. Before she came home she had to complete certain test. She had to go 7 days without having any apneas or bradycardy spells. She past this off at the end of November. She had to then pass the car seat test. This means sitting in her carseat for an hour without any of her vitals dropping. She passed with flying colors.

She looks so small in there

The last test was eating 85% of her feeds through a bottle. FAIL! The doctors still don't really know why she won't eat her whole feed from a bottle. The thought is that my due date could have been guessed wrong and instead of being born at 31weeks she was really born at 29 weeks. After much discussion it was decided that Mate could come home on a NG tube. This is a tube that goes in her nose to her stomach. A pump is then used to deliver whatever she doesn't take from a bottle to her tummy. We had to get trained on how to insert the tube and use the pump. It's pretty easy to put the tube in but it breaks my heart a little because she screams during it. Once all that was taken care of we got to spend the night at the hospital with her in our room like a trial run.

This is the room we got. It was crazy not having her hooked to any monitors. We were to feed her every three hours but I think I was awake most of the night being paranoid and checking on her the whole time. That morning she was discharged!

This is her going home outfit. A little big but ohh so cute!

Heading out of the NICU

Her first time being out in the real world!
We love having our little girl home with us and being able to snuggle whenever we want. The lack of sleep is totally worth it.

Resting in her boppy while mom gets her bottle

Thank you everyone for your love and prayers during this crazy time.

Christmas

This year was the first Christmas Jacob and I spent with just us. It was fun being with our little girl to celebrate.

Matea won best dressed in the NICU and everyone was ohhing and ahhing at her. I love the above picture, she looks like a dancing little elf :) Since we weren't with extended family Christmas eve dinner was up to me. I think it turned out pretty good. We had ham, cheesy potatoes, rolls, and an artichoke with butter dipping sauce.

Funny story about the ham. I had no idea what the going rate is for one and since I was buying it the night before Christmas eve i got the first one I saw at $5 a lbs. Holy cow was it expensive, but i figured that's what they'd all be like. Nope. I later heard Safeway had a ton for a dollar a pound. Next year I'll know better lol

our little tree and gifts

Christmas morning we woke up, opened presents then headed to the NICU with gifts for Matea. She had on a pretty Christmas dress to celebrate the day.

Matea with a few of her gifts

A present from daddy. it won't fit for a while but who cares

A San Francisco book from Grandma and Grandpa.

After Christmas Jacob's family flew into town to hangout.

We flew kites, played a ton of games, checked out union square and so much more. It was great having them around and fun for Matea to meet her Nanny and Grandad, and aunts and uncles.

It was a great way to end the year with family.

Thanksgiving

A lot has been happening and I've fallen behind in blogging. Time to catch up!

For Thanksgiving my family came to San Francisco and rented a house to stay in.It was a cute old victorian house

We had the upstairs apartment and it fit all of us comfortably.

The kitchen and dinning room

The fancy shmancy living room

Everyone together minus Matea

It was fun having everyone in SF. We had a great thanksgiving dinner, celebrated an early christmas, went sightseeing, and played games.

we hung out at the tourist trap that is fishermens wharf

We went to alcatraz

Grandpa and grandma got to hold Matea for the first time

And Matea got a sweet pumpkin hat for Thanksgiving.

Matea Video

Matea gets the hiccups just about every time we visit her. We think they are the cutest thing ever. Here's a video to enjoy:

Cuteness update

Matea has hit some big milestones lately. She celebrated her 1 month birthday, doubled her birth weight (she's now +6lbs) stayed in each NICU room at the hospital, and made it through her mom and dad giving her a bath for the first time. I can't believe how much bigger she has gotten, she actually has cute little rolls! As far as when she can come home it's still up in the air. She is great health wise but needs to learn how to eat. In order to come home she has to eat 85% of her feeds for a few days. Right now she is taking 55 ml at each feed but only getting 5-10 ml by bottle, the rest is being given to her through a tube. The nurses keep saying it's like a light switch and will one day just click. Matea is teaching me patience that's for sure. We were hoping she'd be home for Christmas but that might not happen. So for now it's back and forth to the hospital. Now what you've all been waiting for, pictures

Thank you everyone for the love, prayers, and packages. It's been so helpful having great friends and family for support. I'm sorry I haven't sent out thank you cards, I've been a little busy, but know that we are so grateful for everything.

Card

With all that's been going on i just didn't have the energy to send out a Christmas card. This will have to do.